February 19, 2004

There is a phenomenon (plague) that seems to permeate the hormonal male mind that I simply do not understand. I call it The Fatal Attraction of the Pissed Leather Blond. It is a strange attraction that some guys have for an angry blonde squeezed into a leather outfit that is three sized too small. Usually the outfit contains a lot of lace, nothing to the imagination and of course an extreme plunging neckline.

Accompanying this charming attire, the young lady apparently has to don a certain "touch me and die" attitude to complete the illusion of being The Kind You Don't Take Home to Mutha. I can't speak for the outfit but I can say that in order to have to proper attitude, one must, in one degree or another, have the ability to act.

This is an asset lost on Pamela Lee.

Yes, Pamela Lee who has had her butt featured in Playboy so many times that it has become bad comedy. She gets the lead here, no doubt, due to her pin-up status and judging by the script, the screenwriter was very confident no one would be paying attention to the story. The neckline is impressive even it if is wholly artificial. Can she act? Why not, it's a free country.

The movie opens in 2017 during The Second Civil War. Lee plays Barbara Kopetski, a nightclub owner with a plunging neckline and a deadly stiletto heel that finds its way into the forehead of anyone stupid enough to call her "babe". The bar, called The Hammerhead, is one of those odd punk leather bars where most of the maintainance seems to go toward keeping a fresh stock of purple lightbulbs. For just a spark of originality, wouldn't it be funny if she dressed in the Dominatrix Barbie-wear and ran a frilly Bed and Breakfast?

The whole country is in a state of emergency. What was formerly called the American Congress now rules with fascistic methods. There is only one free city left, Steel Harbor, headquarter for the resistance. Things are so bad that Americans are relying on Canadian dollars. Barb lives out her quiet, punk rock existence behind enemy lines.

Times are hard so that Barb works a second job as a bounty hunter who goes undercover as a stripper (what else would she qualify for?). Barb is devoted to not taking sides and so Hammerhead becomes a refuge for those looking for a place to escape. Suddenly her former lover Axel Hood appears asking for help, Barb suddenly finds herself to be key player on high political stage.

Oh, You must remember this. Yes, the screenplay is based on Casablanca and even has the screen credit "based on a story by Ilene Chaiken.” I’m not going to go into a side by side comparison of the two films but I will say that if I were Sydney Greenstreet I would be ticked that my character had been turned into a man so fat that he lives in the shovel of a Caterpiller.

Okay, plot out of the way let's get the point. The whole enterprise was constructed upon the marketable status of Miss Lee's bosom. Having said that I should say that those attending the film for those reasons (which would include EVERYONE) found themselves a bit ripped off. After a short peek-a-boo strip show that opens the movie she spends the next 89 minutes avoiding the promised stages of undress. Pamela fulfills the promise of The Fatal Attraction of the Pissed Leather Blond but little else.

The last laugh, I'm afraid turned out to be on Miss Lee herself. Legend has it that a New Yorker passed by the poster (the one on the left) and remarked "Hey look, Ru Paul made a movie" Well, there you go.