by JERRY ROBERTS

August 25, 2002

Twenty years ago Roger Ebert opened a scalding review of The Blue Lagoon by saying "This movie made me itch". I am sure that everyone eventually finds a movie like that and for me it has to be Dream a Little Dream. I believe that there are too many films to rate a single worst film of all time but when asked to choose, this movie (among others) pops into my mind.

I am sure that most of you have never heard of Dream a Little Dream and normally I would be happy to leave it that way. But there is something that bothers me about this film that I just have to put into words: I honestly believe that this movie hates me. That sounds a little glib but I see this movie as a black hole, it sucks so badly that it ought to be held in wonderment as to the amount of wind breakage occuring with every agonizing second. I believe that because (and I know this is my own fault) this was the film that I saw on my first date. Being a gentleman, I let her choose the film (ultimately our first date turned out to be our last).

The movie was released 1989 and features the then hot duo of "The Coreys", Corey Haim and Corey Feldman the guys that launched a thousand Teen Beat covers but together make the single most irritating screen paring. Haim, at least can act when given the chance (check out the 1987 charmer Lucas). Feldman isn't so lucky, he starred in Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and The Goonies before Dream a Little Dream made him box office poison. Last time he appeared on screen was in the Troma production of Toxic Avenger 4: Citizen Toxie and was credited as "Sarah's Gynecologist". If you still don't believe that once-bankable child stars fall hard, read that last sentence again.

The pair starred in seven movies together and Dream a Little Dream is the nerve gas that put their bankablity to sleep. It stars the pair as Bobby and Dinger *snicker*, high school kids who never seem to go to class but none-the-less always seem to be coming home from school. It is one of those movies where everyone dresses like MTV wannabes - Feldman's outfit is early Michael Jackson while Haim sports an unholy George Michael ensemble shoplifted from The Gap.

Anyway, everyday they cross the lawn of an old man (The late, great Jason Robards) who is angry that the kids take a shortcut through his property (ever hear of a fence?). The old guy is aware that he and his wife (Piper Laurie) aren't getting any younger and has discovered a meditative exercise that is suppose to allow them to transfer their souls into younger bodies. Well, as you might guess, (since he gets top billing) Feldman is the one who crosses Robards' lawn, bumps into him and switches souls with him. Yes, this is one of those anchient body-switch movies where the young person is forced to act like the older person and vice versa.

But there's a problem - Feldman is such a lousy actor that he never acts like anyone but himself. We are suppose to believe that he has inhabited the body of an 70 year-old man but we are left to take his word for it. Haim is there as a reactionary and Meredith Salenger hangs back as the token female who is there to assure us that they are interested in her and not each other.

The movie gets bogged down in a heap of mystical garbeldy-gook including a subplot in which Robards' wife is found to be in danger of losing her soul to the nether regions (I think she did that just by signing up for this movie)

The screenplay allows for no thought process what-so-ever, it dredges up plot points only to forget, abandon or quickly wave them aside to get to the next shot of The Coreys looking photogenic. When there is a lull in their mindless chatter the movie becomes a laboring commercial for the soundtrack which boasts at least 10 songs, all of which sound exactly the same. The songs are so loud and persistant that it drives you away even if you have wrapped your brain around the story. This movie dares you to stick with it.