by Jerry Roberts

June 23, 2002

“Six teenagers have discovered the power to fight the forces of evil. Now the fate of the universe is in their hands”

- Tagline for Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers: The Movie

Oy.

You know, there was a time when a film’s merchandise line was based on the film itself. Now it’s the other way around. “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie” is just a movie to throw on the pile, a film as listless and haphazard as any action figure.

The movie is a deadening experience and 88 precious minutes that one loses from their lives. 88 minutes at which they could be out doing so many things to further the fulfillment of . . . just about anything else.

I can’t explain what appeal The Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers have. They are teenagers, they dress in color-coded uniforms and they whirl around and kick a lot of people. Beyond that they’re exploits are as thrilling as a syrofoam popcorn.

Maybe it’s their mammoth merchandise line that keeps kids coming back. And when I say mammoth, I mean it . The Power Rangers have spawned a toyline juggernaut that includes action figures, walkie-talkies, bedspreads, book bags, nightlights, shirts, hats, drinking glasses, costumes, posters, videos, pup tents, chocolate bars, cup cozies, video games, coloring books, breakfast cereals, umbrellas, comic books, toothbrushes, pajamas and this lousy movie – curiously missing are toenail clippers, a crowd control barrier and a home pregnancy test kit.

Maybe the appeal of these products (or rather the Power Rangers themselves) is that you can package them in colorful wrappers and sell them at retail with little effort. What they lack is personality, individuality, a sense of humor, a sense of purpose and a manner of speaking that doesn’t come from the buzz word recycling bin.

The show, the products and the movie stem from the company owned by Hal Saban who makes a curious practice of buying someone else’s product and slapping his own name on it. This means that he is free to have ownership of everything without actually having to create anything.

Everything about this movie is lazy. The costumes, the villains, the recycled rock soundtrack, the plasti-foam sets, the script and even the title. Remember “Superman vs. The Mole Man”, “Flash Gordon Conquers the Universe”, “The Shadow of Zorro”? See what I mean?

It’s curious that the movie runs 88 minutes which is just about as long as three episodes of their TV show sans commercial breaks.

Trying to keep the audience from completely sitting through an 88-minute toy commercial, the filmmakers (merchandisers) put something together that looks like a story. It involves a battle with a creature known as Ivan Ooze (Paul Freeman, Belloq from Raiders of the Lost Ark), a being who has been trapped inside an egg for 6 millennium but has none-the-less heard of the John Denver and The Brady Bunch (don’t ask). He spits on the ground and up come his minions who challenge the Power Rangers to a showdown. I don’t know why it’s so hard for Ooze to knock out the Power Rangers, because the kids fly into a six-minute montage in which they change into their outfits.

The Power Rangers have no discernable personalities, they are like the kids who occupy a candy bar commercial. They smile big, they throw around street lingo and tired old buzz words as if they never had a thought that wasn’t regurgitated from the marketing department. I can’t remember any of the kids names and that’s just as well because I don’t recall that any of them were worth remembering the first place.

Me? I wasted those 88 minutes on this movie and then another 15 minutes writing this review. I think I’m going to cry.