Stars:
George Nadar, Claudia Barrett, Selena Royale, John Mylong, Pamela Paulson

Choice Dialogue:
* ROY: "I'm bossy? You're so bossy you should be milked before you come home at night."

* JOHNNY: "You look like a pooped out pinwheel"

* RO-MAN: I cannot - yet I must. How do you calculate that? At what point on the graph do "must" and "cannot" meet? Yet I must - but I cannot!

Choice Moments:
* The gorilla-monster-thing tries to run up a hill but the man in the costume is clearly out of shape.
* Johnny, who runs toward the cave wearing pants but enters it wearing shorts.

Conclusions:
* Elecrified coathangers make you easily radar invisible.
* Space Monsters love bondage.
* Mars has predated the invention of the diving bell by about 6 billion years.
* Sticking your tongue out at an advancing monster won't help, but it won't hurt either.
* When it comes to wiping out the human race, one gorilla can make a difference.
* If you have to tie up a woman but it's taking too long, simply knock her unconcious. She won't hold it against you when she comes to.

Review:
Upon this altar of bad taste, Ed Wood hath wept.

In the world a bad movies, Robot Monster is king. You can have your Plan 9 From Outer Space, for me it's a space gorilla nothin'

Made in 1953, Robot Monster is a $1.98 monster movie that is probably as disposable as any film made in that decade but none is funnier. Interesting that the movie is famous for having been filmed on the discarded sets of Joan of Arc filmed a year before. And which movie do we remember?

The story could fit on a soup can label: From somewhere deep in the cosmos The Great One (not Gleason) sends Ro-Man to earth with a major death ray so he can wipe out all of human civilization. In a matter of hours he completes that mission. One Creature has wiped out something like 6 billion people in under a day. How did he book passage to get abroad? How did he manage to find everybody in the entire world? Dang it! I KNEW that Peoplefind website would ruin us!!!

The creature's menace ranks at about the same as a lava lamp. Its a guy in a moth-eaten gorilla suit with a diving bell on his head. Why the diving bell? Well, it seems that the movie began as the story of a rogue gorilla gone berserk but when the head for the gorilla suit turned up missing, the prop guys just used what they could find. Hence, a classic was born.

Anyway, Ro-man, completes his mission to dispatch the human race but forgets one family that just won't give up the ghost. That leaves 90 minutes of this unholy mess as Ro spends the rest of the movie chasing the same six people around Bronson Canyon. But not before we discover how they managed to slip under Ro-Man's radar. The Great One (not Gleason) would not be pleased.

Seems Dad is an amatuer scientist who has made a forcefield out of coathangers. Now if you think THAT sounds like a dumb idea consider that Ro-Man is communicating with his planet via a radio that is spewing bubbles. *shrug*

Anyway, little Johnny goes for a walk and gives away his family's location when he is spotted by Ro-Man. Good goin' Johnny! So Ro starts hunting down our little commune and strangling them one by one. All except for Alice, whose loveliness melts Ro-Man's heart. Yep, He's a menace from beyond space who learns to love!! How does he show his affection? He ties her up while he does away with the rest of the group.

Meanwhile in the great beyond, The Great One (not Gleason) is displeased that Ro-Man has allowed himself a friggin' emotion and destroys him. At the same time he also does away with the rest of the earth (why didn't he do that to begin with?) The earth is destroyed. The End.

Well, not just yet, actually Johnny wakes up, it was all a dream. The End for real this time. Poor Johnny, not only is he a moron but his dreams are low budget.