by Jerry Roberts

I hated this movie. I detested this movie. I hated every, single, abhorrent, moronic, idiotic moment that this movie was on screen. I’ve had smelly garbage that gave me more pleasure. I would compare this to a train wreck but that would be an insult to train wrecks. If I had a hammer and every copy of this film I would smash it into tiny atoms if I didn't think it was cruel to the hammer.

Some movies are purely bad but this movie is baffling, an ordeal, a punishment hoisted upon an unsuspecting viewer unlucky enough to cross it's celluloid path. The fact that the French made it an enormous hit only deepens my detestment and confusion. I’m told that it’s a comedy but what passes for humor in this movie went out with powered wigs.

No less can be said for the plot, Little Indian, Big City is a fish out of water story (OH! We haven’t seen THAT one this week!!) It’s a French film but I’m not so sure about that. It’s set in France, there’s a scene on the Eiffel Tower and of course every window looks out over Gutav Eiffel’s famous monument but what comes out of the actors mouths is some of the worst dubbing this side of Chop Sockey. The actors are speaking French but their voices are dubbed into English apparently via a third language not known to either side. When the mother informs the father that he has a 13 year old son it comes out like “You Have a Son – You Hear?!”

The story involves that father, played by Thierry L’hermitte who discovers that his wife was pregnant when she left him 13 years ago because he was one of those cell phone junkies who never made time for her. I wouldn’t have made time for her either, all she does is scream, slam doors and point her finger at him wildly – you hear?! Where did she go? The Amazon to live with the natives. Who wouldn’t? *shrug*

Anyway it seems that the son named Mimi-Siku has lived in the jungle and learned such plyable trades as eating spiders and killing flies with darts. He comes to France, not only in the mindset of a jungle native but in the OUTFIT!!! No kidding, he gets off the plane in a loin clothes and packing a bow and arrow. You show me a major airport that would let a person on a plane carrying a bow and arrow and I will buy you a ticket around the world. I was joking when I said I was going I counted the minutes until the kid would take a whiz off the Eiffel Tower and - lo and behold - he did.

The father has a business partner who provides the comedy relief by always wearing the same tie. BWWWAAHHHAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA!!! Also he provides the son with a love interest. The kids know each other four minutes before they’re swinging in the hammock together and you just know this relationship is doomed because he is prettier than she is.

I just came to my senses when I realized that I had wasted too much valuable time on this dreck - time when I could have been, I dunno, banging my head against a wall or stubbing my toe.