BY JERRY ROBERTS

In half of the bad movies that I see, I find myself arriving at the question “Why was this movie made?”  In the other half, I need not ask that question because in that case I am usually parked in front of a movie like Tomboy.

It becomes painfully obvious even down to the conception level that this movie exists as a showcase for the ample bosoms of actress Betsy Russell.  The director realizes that this is the way to go because based on her acting this would be the only viable avenue.  He also realizes (as we do) that her breasts have better screen presence than she does.

Tomboy fails as a comedy, as a sex farce and as anything but a showcase for Miss Russell’s showcase.  She stars in the movie as a character named Tomboy, a mechanic who can build anything out of bits of junk (much like this film’s director).  She’s in love with an auto racing pretty boy.  How does she prove her love?  By challenging him to a race.  How does winning a race prove that he will fall in love with her?   Beats me.

This is what I call a “Dust Movie”, a film that spends a few days in theaters, then drops onto video only to spend the next decade or two on the backs of video shelves collecting dust.  Oh, occasionally they are recycled for 2am viewing on basic cable but the only people watching are insomniacs, 12 year-old boys and geeks who waste their time making webpages about bad movies.

I always watch with amused fascination movies that are centered around nudity because it’s fun to watch them strain to fill in the moments in between.  For that we get some inane dialogue between the two lovers occasionally interrupted by a washed-out rock soundtrack featuring performers like Snuff, Souvenir and P.F. Solo (heard of them?  Me neither).  But just as we get bored of those elements it comes time to cue the skin and we get plenty of it.  Those cues you can set your watch by.

We know the movie’s draw and yes, Russell does take her shirt off several times.  I will admit that what is there borders on spectacular but why waste 90 minutes of your life getting there?  Since you are online, why not go look for one of the movie’s screenshots, save yourself a trip to the video store and let the dust fall where it may.